Relating to
Discomfort
August 2013
Tony E Dillon-Hansen
In dreams and
fantasies, we would like to live in luxurious settings and lazy
beaches or tending to our favorite hobbies every day of our waking
existence. We, all, would love to have no problems and no worries. We
would love to love, to believe, to act, to talk or to think without
distress or pain. Rev. Cameron Barr remarked in sermon, “It’s not love at
all if it’s so plain and simple and nice that the truth isn’t
welcome.” The challenge is not that we want peaceful existence or
how we may characterize good love. The challenge is not to avoid
fear, anger, or uncertainty but also how we “relate to discomfort”
because there is something to learn in discomfort.
Things left unsaid,
undone, half-done, or avoided can be destructive to our own being. If
we are constantly avoiding challenges to our lives, we may miss great
opportunities to learn what can be improved in ourselves.
Uncomfortable things do not have to be always confrontational, but we
can choose the manner in which things are questioned. Perhaps, we,
ourselves, were subjecting incorrect assumptions upon a situation.
Perhaps, what was unfamiliar to us was frightening but something
worth more research. By avoiding the questions around the event(s),
we would never learn the intricate details of thinking differently.
We can challenge our own viewpoints without sacrificing the essence
of who we are, and we might just improve how we interpret the world.
Things left unsaid
might need to consider if we our taking ourselves too seriously over
matters. That is why I like the character Goofy from Disney to remind
me that things I do and say are as well goofy. That recognition
should also come with a willingness to temper oneself and accept when
I am wrong.
We may consider that
our words may be harmful to the person(s) causing our current
discomfort. We may think that our thoughts may be considered
controversial or may “ruffle feathers” that we think should not
be. We know many examples of this when working as part of teams. We
may observe patterns that are causing issues (may even choose only to
reveal our concerns to select people), but then we do not share them
with the people that can help to make a positive impact. When we do
this, we rob people, or the whole team, of their potential growth. A
project can easily get sidetracked or worse if the team lose focus or
if team leaders focus upon bad targets. Would the Titanic have
arrived in New York if officers questioned the Captain's decisions?
We could see a
spouse or significant-other doing or saying something troubling to
us. Communication is important here because you could go down the
long path of regret and anger over a simple misunderstanding while
nothing changes during silence. Also, such matters could get worse.
In some cases,
things left unsaid can result in someone else's pain, injustice or
misery. Maybe, we do not think our place is to say anything. Perhaps,
we should speak up when great injustices are before us. Maybe, we did
not believe we had the authority to challenge someone. This can
happen when someone with supposed authority or superiority is doing
the injustice, and we struggle to find our proper place in the
discussion. Yet, we know too well what happens when someone is being
abused and no one is there to help. If you have the opportunity to
correct an injustice, Time will see that you are vindicated. Clever
sounding rhetoric or show of muscle by bullies is no match for the
truth that true justice and love brings.
Maybe, we should
just quietly live without instigating anything. There are, of course,
remedies for forgetting pain through drugs, alcohol, and dangerous
behaviors (even conducting our own version of the pain to someone
else). Then, we may find ourselves painfully attached to yet another
grievance. With these, the path of fear and violence is that of more
fear and more violence whether we internalize such or we allow the
environment to continue around us. Further, we remove ourselves from
the world both in mind and body through the supposed escapes while
maintaining our anxiety and angers because none of these techniques
results in quieting of the mind.
I, like the minister and most everyone, want people to like me and that throwing a
concern into the open may seem to jeopardize those kind views. Yet,
maybe that is not what we should want; that to act only in accordance
with other peoples’ wishes.
When we do not speak
out, we could find ourselves building walls with mirrors around
ourselves because we take too much stock in what we currently think.
Our ability to learn and to grow diminishes when we do not challenge
our own comfort zones.
We do not have to
judge others for not also trying, but we can be an example of how
this can work as revealed within ourselves to ourselves. Karma has a
way of showing these traits to others.
Who we are is what
we do, not just what we say (but words can go a long way to help.) We
may like pleasantries of nice, professionalism exhibited, or simply
to live in peace. Yet, when moments arrive that demand justice, we
cannot be in peace if we let them go on without rebuke. We do not
need and should not justify our existence or the rights of anyone
else, but sometimes we must. Again, we do not have to be
confrontational, we should be willing to remind people the value and
worth of every soul. Justice deserves its day before the collective
good, and anyone not willing to recognize that also does not
understand love or justice.
