To Be First - Mark 10 - Proper 24B

To be first…

Tony E Hansen

Reflection based upon Mark 10:35-45, Psalm 91, Hebrews 5:1-10

Opening prayer

This weekend is the anniversary for my parents (October 20). Happy anniversary to my mother as well as to Dad (who is in heaven today).

This week, one of my favorite bands released a new single that is just pure ear candy called “Night Terror” with their original drummer. Not that the replacement was bad as he was good in his own right, but the return of Mike Portnoy to the line up is clearly felt in the song. The song has been on repeat for me.

I have also been doing a lot of paint therapy- someone should tell the painter at my house to stay in the lines. There is plenty of tape to take down and plenty of touch up remaining.

This week, we observe the argument among the disciples over who should sit at right and left hands of Jesus. 

Like Jesus has said before, this is something that should not concern them because this question of being in places of honor is not about service but instead all about vanity and unearned honor.

Thus, with this challenge to the disciples - to us -, Jesus wants us to understand that ministry and true purposeful life is about service rather than honors and rewards. 

What does greatness look like ?  What do we do with power and influence?

What does it mean to deny oneself and take up a cross?

We have ample opportunities in this broken world to buy our way to so-called happiness. We have ample opportunities to get what we want, when we want it and how we want it, like the Burger King menu - with burgers your way. 

It feels nice to have those kinds of choices, but instead, we are diluting ourselves with distractions and personal pampering.

Thus, when we get to this place that commercials and materialism have defined as “happy”, people ultimately find it lacking in purpose, in meaning, and in fullness. 

So, to deny oneself is not to fulfill all the urges we have, but to recognize there are some other things that can bring true meaning and purpose to our lives. That is in this service - this ministry.

When we devote ourselves to service, those urges and those materials become shallow and empty - as they really are. 

Then for us, we must consider what greatness looks like is to be one that serves - not just for the accolades or honors, but to serve family, friends, and the community for the sake of service for our neighbors and for our Creator. As well, we are not to serve just as token bits, but to serve with our whole hearts and souls.

What we need in this world, is more of this service that does not first look for “what’s in it for me.” Rather, we need to see service that lifts up people and brings people together, not just as political stunts or Snapchat clips for likes.  

There are plenty of ways we can realize this service in our lives, and we should hold our leaders to this as well. Volunteering with organizations like UBFM, Dream Team, Wounded Warriors, at church, hospice care or even ARL can be mechanisms for us to achieve this, but it is even more than that still. 

Ask the questions:  Are we including, instead of excluding? Are we bringing people together instead of tearing them down? Are we reaching out with a helping hand to those who have been knocked down or left out? Are we lending an ear to those who need to be heard?

In those moments, it is not about “what’s in it for me” but what can I do to make this world better today for others. Incidentally, when we do this, it works its way back to us in many meaningful , positive, and powerful ways. 

Thus, we observe one of the central themes of Mark - that we must be willing to “be slave of all” in order to be first. To be first, one must be willing to be last.  That our focus is on service rather than glories or rewards.

This theme is followed by reminding us of the ultimate example found in Christ, who came to serve and to give life for us - along with forgiveness and that sacred promise poured out for all.

The ultimate example provides us a path to true greatness, true purpose, and true grace in our lives that are intangible benefits of the sacred service that is revealed in our lives. 

Beloved, let go of the lies and materials this broken world has distracted of us and instead, live in the truth and the love that has been poured out for us. 

Let go of the privileges - the statuses, and the “likes.” Let your life be one of heart-full and soul-full service. When you do, “no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near…” God will answer and rescue when you call and sometimes through paint therapy. God can quiet the night terrors in our lives.

“Christ did not glorify himself in becoming a high priest,” but showed us the way - the path to salvation through service to all.  

For that, we say, 

Thanks Be to God.

Grief of Divorce - Mark 10 - Proper 22 Year B

Grief of Divorce

Tony E Hansen

Reflection based upon Mark 10:2-16, Psalm 8, Genesis 2:18-24

Opening prayer

The scriptures talk about how a couple is made to be with each other - a woman is made from the bones of a man. Thus, couple becomes “one flesh.”  

The disciples ask Jesus about this thing we call marriage and divorce.

I think I know a thing or two about these having been married and now divorced. (The dust is still settling from that.)

Marriage is about commitment, love, trust and communication, but what happens when that commitment, that trust, that love, that one flesh, devolves and separates?

I don’t think people get into a marriage with the prospect of quitting. I certainly did not, but it happened no less. I didn’t honestly believe in divorce before this. Even though, I have friends and family that have went through it, divorce wasn’t something for me - that is until it became for me.

I think of myself publicly failing for having to go through it. The loss is more than money and material. It is a loss of ideas, prospects , a relationship, a family, a community, and yes the “one flesh.” 

Divorce destroys trust (if it was even there to begin with), it destroys the bonds (that could have been), it destroys a community that surrounds the marriage, and it certainly destroys a future. The stress, pain, and anxiety in me from all of this is through the roof. The stress and anxiety radiates throughout our friends and families as they cope with the change as well. I pray for them as I try not to drag them down too.

Yet, it was a necessary thing to do - for both of us. 

It destroys a future but also creates. My future is not certain - not that it was before this, but the path is way different that what I thought it was going to be. I even looked for ways to maybe ignore what was transpiring, but I could not and ignoring was only going to make it worse. 

So, How do we cope? 

There are mechanisms that people can employ when going through a life transition such as this because we have to understand there is pain, tears and grief in the moment. Loss (whether a friend, a life or a relationship) loss breeds - along with it - grief.

We have to learn how to cope with the loss and find healthy ways to do that.  For it is too easy to slip into damaging ways ( I know that too well.) 

I know others may have found other negative ways to cope such as violence, drugs, unsafe sex, or alcohol. I have to be careful and mindful of triggers. Personally, I have to lower my alcohol intake, and instead, I should lean into things that are healthy like workouts, visiting with family and friends, painting with pastels, or working in the garden. I should do that even though the anxiety is high and the pain is real. 

I have met some good people since all this has transpired (and is continuing), but I have to remember to take care of myself - because no one else will. I believe that I will rebuild and I will find a new path even though that path is not clear to me today. (Not sure it really ever was clear if I think about it.) Yet, I have to believe that.

I will turn to my painting, drawing, writing, music, and work to fill the holes that have been painfully ripped open. I certainly don’t want to fill the holes with negativity and more anxiety. 

Now, I look at the words of Jesus from Mark and find myself in a paradox of any future relationship. I cannot really even think about that right now with the abundance of grief that I am experiencing. Yet the paradox is there.

There is a reason why Jesus says these, and it is because divorce is so damaging. As I stated, it not only impacts the couple, but those around them as they also try to cope.  I am thankful for those that have reached out to me, those that have invited me into their world, and those that have helped me during this awful time. You have been very much appreciated.

That also tells me the path forward is not one that has to be done alone. Nothing that we do has to be done alone. 

Although we ultimately have to take the steps and the next steps, there are people around us that we can lean and find support - even if those people are ones we haven’t engaged in a while. we (I) have to remember there is God as well. So yeah, I have been reaching out to folks I haven’t spoke to in a while and I plan to reach out to more.

I think maybe that is part of the healing process (and is definitely a positive activity.)  Reaching out instead of turning inward and isolating - Finding out or remembering who is in our support system.  For Lord knows that someday, we become their support in turn.  

Hopefully, the result of the healing process, I think of what it is like to be a child in the kingdom and that there is the ultimate support in the Spirit that guides us all. Remember that God created us as works of divine fingers: along with the majesty of the moon and stars. Hope is what I have to hold onto and faith in the One that sustains us.

the grief of divorce - may you never have to witness this in your lives and may peace be with you all, especially if you have had to endure this.

And for all the blessings, friends, family and gifts bestowed upon me, I am reminded still…

Thanks be to God