How Many Times
Tony E Hansen
Sermon based upon Matthew 18 21-35; Psalm 103; Romans:14 1-12; Genesis 50: 15-21
Opening prayer
We like to think of Christianity as the feel-good experience of tossing out blessings or “thoughts and prayers.”
Matthew 18 gives us another shape of this in the form of reconciliation and forgiveness.
It can be easy to throw good wishes at people, but when someone has wronged us, the experience of extending grace is not usually a first thought. There are complicated feelings, especially if the wrong is violent or damaging. I know this personally.
I could tell you about all the times I have been wronged, but we could be here for a while. When I started ministry, the thing that tripped me the most was this reconciliation and forgiveness bit because I was holding onto considerable grudges.
Jesus teaches us first to meet the person who did wrong and discuss with them about it. Jesus wants us to learn how not to make a spectacle of wrongs but to come to learning by containing the blast radius. First by talking to them directly to resolve, then involve another if needed, then involve the congregation.
Jesus goes further and promises to be present in those hard conversations.
Reconciliation does not happen without discussion and that includes the tough conversations. Yet, the conversation that is had - is good for both parties not just one. The conversation that is not, lingers and builds mistrust, cynicism and eventually worse.
There is a path to repentance, but what does that look like and how is it delivered? That path is not easy but avoids confusions, incorrect ideas of what happened or worse.
It won’t rectify all that has been done because we can’t change that, but we can change how we go forward.
The point here isn’t to prove points, confrontation or to win because the goal here: Jesus wants us to preserve the relationship and look for restoration.
That isn’t always easy. This isn’t the easy-going faith; this is hard stuff.
Add to that: forgiveness.
Peter asks how many times should I forgive someone, and Jesus tells us 77 times, then tells this parable. A person is forgiven of his debts but does not share that forgiveness to those who owe him. Jesus reminds us that we have been forgiven and wants us to share that forgiveness to those who “owe” us debts.
If relationship and restoration are the goals, then forgiveness is a necessary step. This isn’t one direction but multi-directional. Forgiveness doesn’t start and end at me, but is to extend to all in our lives.
You may not feel good about meeting someone who wronged you, like when someone assaulted me or lied about me. If I am true to my faith, I am to forgive those who have wronged me - not just once but many times.
I told you this wasn’t easy.
That isn’t to say we don’t learn and let people walk all over us. If someone is continuing to be bad to you - after the Nth time, you might want to ask why let it continue? If there is no repentance on someone’s part, reconciliation isn’t going to happen either. See the first part of conversation…
Jesus wants us to find strength in forgiveness of those who wronged us because there is strength in forgiveness. It can take a lot of strength in letting go of grievance and emotion to forgive, especially when we have been violated or personally harmed.
But that grudge is effort we have been holding onto unnecessarily instead of using for good.
Further, Jesus reminds us that someone first poured out forgiveness to us. Paul says “…each one of us will be held accountable to God.”
Forgiveness isn’t just about handing down judgment to someone, but also “letting go” and letting God.
How do we reconcile that with someone is important but what about in ourselves?
The challenge I had for forgiving wrongs done to me was first letting go of that hurt inside me.
People often confuse forgiveness as only a grace bestowed upon others, but it really is more for the self. People like to hold onto things whether it is a good idea or regardless if it is accurate. (Look at our politics.)
What are we holding onto that prevents forgiveness? What have we tied our feelings, emotions and activities in someone that tears at our own being - using up our strength (making us weaker)?
Yes someone probably deserves punishments and great verbal tirades, but what are we holding in our souls?
Once the dust has cleared, will we let go of the pain, embarrassment or grief? Will we let that define us instead of our faith?
I suggest to leave the judgment and grief; that is forgiveness for them but for us. Leave the judgment to God.
As I said sometimes, we hold onto inaccurate images of what happened or fabrications. Seems silly to be holding onto grunge based upon lies but people do this. What fiction have we been using to close our hearts and minds?
This is where that reconciliation step is important. What really happened and did they understand what made us upset? If they never know this, how will they change or grow?
Thus, our faith demands of us - good stuff like blessings and grace, but grace is in the hurt and pain too. There we have lessons, growth and steps to restore and repair relationship with each other and with God.
That is how Joseph and his brothers became family again.
In our interactions with people, we will screw up, but the path is set for us to discuss, reconcile and forgive.
“Bless the Lord … who forgives all your iniquity.” So too should we.
In those moments just as in the blessings, “for where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”
Thanks Be to God, Amen.
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