Why I Fly a Military Flag
Tony E Dillon Hansen
A raw reflection for Veterans Day 2022
When I grew up, my dad talked that he served in Thailand during the Vietnam war in the mid 1960s. His service as far as I could understand was as part of the United States Air Force support F105 fighter-bombers flying mission. He was proud of serving. So on days like this, that celebrate veterans, I fly flags in remembrance of service.
My dad was proud of his service, but he pointed out the treatment received when he and colleagues would return from tours to find derision and spit upon the men and women who wore uniforms.
Still, he would speak about service with reverence, and I looked up to the sky those days and wondered if I might also serve. He would speak lovingly about Thai and Vietnamese cuisine, seeing Bob Hope and the sights around Thailand. He would speak about the jets and how some would come back with barely flyable airplanes. He however would leave out many details of things he saw - “for my own being.”
During this time, he was exposed to something called Agent Orange, which impacted him later in life, I learned from people who have studied and been in the field with this substance how it caused many issues with service people and their offspring. This would be the part of the prognosis for his cancer and ultimate death. It took the military and government administrations gross amounts of time to actively treat and care for this substance spread throughout Southeast Asia - never mind what it did to friends and foe alike in those areas.
Looking back, I wish my dad would have let me (us) into some of those memories, the experiences, the questions, the misery and even some of the horrors that he witnessed. I remember when some people would start to explain some detail about Vietnam, that he would shoo us kids away. He rarely would watch films that depicted Vietnam like Platoon because these invoked emotions and stresses inside of him. Yet he never told us any of those emotions or stresses.
As a minister today, I have learned how these are telltale episodes of trauma and are worth exploring even if we don’t think so or would rather “just forget.” I did not have the training then to ask - , to listen to what would come out or to help roll back some of the angst that was surely more. I do know today that emotions like these, left to rot, inside a person are as devastating as the original trauma. Things is, that I and our whole family were willing to listen because we were there for each other.
I encourage all who have trauma to seek help and be willing to talk. If you know someone struggling, be there, be present and walk with them. We cannot solve all of yesterday’s problems and experiences, but we can take steps today to heal and grow.
Being queer
As a queer person, I have experienced a version of this. Hiding from social pariah to coming to terms with the self was a struggle itself. Learning to deal with the social stigma, actual social and spiritual abuse and also watching folks literally get beat up just because they identified differently was (to say the least) difficult.. Of this community, I have witnessed countless honorable veterans who served despite the hostile prejudices against their orientation.
My dad did not approve of my queerness but still loved me. He grew and learned. I know that because when I married Bret, my dad read at our wedding and welcomed him into the family. They bring more inspiration to my cause. They are another reason I fly the flags.
My son grew up with a difficult life, but he persevered and became immensely successful in athletics, academics and job. I am forever grateful to have been a part of his life even though so much pushed against us. For him and all our children, I fly the flags.
Perhaps, my dad was right not to share the horrors with us, but not hearing this, I missed so much of what made my dad who he was and why. Perhaps, he was right not to share because he didn’t want to teach us that violence was acceptable or what violence does to a society. Why have a conversation when I can reach for a rifle or pistol to solve the issue? We are seeing that today unfold with people attacking each other simply for different beliefs. Maybe, war is not a good teacher after all.
I have to wonder if it was partly because of how people treated folks returning to the US from tours. Of the treatment of those people coming back, I have to question motivations of the poor welcoming committees. That isn’t to say all people serving in uniforms are perfect because after all, we are human. Anyone who puts themselves in the line of danger to serve, protect and defend is subjected to enumerable stresses and conflicts. That does something.
Even when people came back from the “first” Persian Gulf war and then later from Afghanistan and Iraq wars after September 11, 2001. People were not treated with same admonishment that Vietnam vets had, thankfully, but they did come back from something gruesome, difficult and stressing - If not downright traumatic for many (whether they wish to admit this or not).
Heroes
Yet they came back to something that regarded them as heroes, like gladiators who just scored a good win. They witnessed, however, parts of humanity that evoke horror and question. For some, they found solace in religion, for others it was other places. For some, they never found solace. Yet they witnessed and like my father, there is little desire to be forthcoming about the experiences or the emotions around them.
Some turned their military service into community service and leadership (some badly needed). Some turned to help others coming home, and some were not sure what to do. For all those wounded, may God be with you and yes another reason why I fly the flags.
They appreciated the welcome home, but home felt different now and there are many things lurking around the corner that never existed before. I guess the devil does show in our world in more ways than we can imagine.
I talk with veterans who do not want to be called “hero” because of their experiences. They don’t want to spit on or taunted for their experiences Yet, if for no other reason than how war changes people, we owe proper care of flags and respect where due.
Hero is not the Marvel/DC comic variety with fanciful powers and healing capabilities, but hero is someone who steps up and serves. Hero is someone that makes a difference, no matter what questions they had or have in their hearts. They weren’t perfect or perfectly implemented, but they serve. That is my dad, my friends that have served as veterans, and that is the many who never made it back. That is those who serve as first responders and those who serve because our community needs it.
We can question and laugh at the stupidity of politicians, but service is worth respect. May our politicians be worth our service. May the flag I fly today have the same meaning for our kids and their kids.
My youth and ministry
Military is allowed to those who reach age of 17, when they are not even granted the right to vote. Before I gained this crisp age , I knew with whole heart and mind that I wanted to serve. I wanted to serve in the USAF, but because medical issues as a 12 year old, I was not allowed. I tried different avenues via application to the Air Force Academy, AFROTC and enlistment. Each time, I was given a barrier instead.
I wondered how I could serve with honor like my dad before me. I wondered what I could do. I found ways to serve today to speak to the struggle of equality, fairness or even just living in a society willing to look the other way. I have made my life an institution of service to our community whether in the church, for the homeless, for equality, for social justice or to honor those who have served in uniform. These I believe were ideas that my dad served to protect here.
I became a martial artist - learning, teaching and competing. (Funny how the medical issues from my youth didn’t stop me there.) I learned different traditions and capabilities. I learned ways of health and fitness. With this and education, I served with people and learning what brings people together. I fly flags for my father and all those who ought to be recognized.
I struggled with church because of tension with my own queerness, but I served congregations - teaching, preaching and leading with honor. I warmed hearts, healed souls, and changed minds to find another way beyond the violence that encapsulates so much of our world. Those good people changed me to be better person in myself. I fly a flag for you, beloved, and thank you so much.
When I started ministry, I looked at ways that I might serve those who came back from these experiences. I want to serve those because they serve us. I trained to listen and to hear what was in peoples hearts because it helped to teach me about myself. I trained to listen and to find peace not just for me but others.
Hope
I hope to bring a measure of peace into lives - the peace of Christ.
May the peace of Christ be with all of us and may we honor the sacrifice of those who serve with our hearts and minds. May we witness the peace of Christ in our world.
May all those who serve feel the witness of Christ in their lives. God be with you!
May I and my service be worthy of my dad and all those those who serve.

