Debating Tradition
Tony E Hansen
(from "Flickers in the Dark" by Stacy Willingham)
Commentary
My recent writings from the past couple weeks are signaling to me a change in thinking and a change in what governs that thinking.
For years, I was dominated by Catholic thinking in my youth. Then, I walked away from the church for a variety of reasons. I found Asian philosophy and religion to be comforting and helpful to me as I explored a whole new world of thinking in tandem with martial arts.
Then I returned to church via the UCC as a member, married then became a pastor. In that, I moved quickly from spectator to deacon to full ministry as a preacher to sideline spectator again.
When I would preach, I would bind to church doctrine and I would lean on my history in the church as well as all of those that came before as well as contemporaries. I didn’t stray far from where others were and are. I still do this for the most part. After exiting pastoral ministry, divorce and finding myself at a Lutheran church, I am taking note.
As I sat in church Sunday morning, 1 March, I realize that my mind space does not want to align with centuries if not millennia of church teachings. I am Nicodemus however not asking about getting pushed back into the womb, I am asking Jesus questions why me, why now, why would that be the case? Many why’s.
What about church has me looking between the verses, beneath the covers or around the bends, if you will, for something that isn’t shared or simply avoided in traditional religious text and teachings. Even though I follow Lenten traditions of fasting and abstaining, I am not one to follow tradition for tradition sake. I have been and am willing to break those traditions. I know there are good things in some traditions, but I also know tradition was used to persecute and hurt me - so I see a dark side to its long standing hold.
While God and whole congregations called me to ministry, a different group say otherwise. Still God says, I am not done because there is so much to do. Perhaps I don’t want the limitations of earthly or traditional thinking. While it offers a path, it is not the only one nor do I surmise that it is always correct. Jesus certainly was revolutionary in his time often criticizing the religious elites of the day as well political ones. I am no different in this aspect.
Morality is not just a religious concept but a biological and evolutionary one. Something that helps us to understand right and wrong in order to build and preserve social cohesion and growth. We have evolved over time and with technology, and so has morality. What was considered moral in Biblical times is much different than what we would consider appropriate today - and not just because of centuries of church doctrine applied to it.
(Even the guards of said doctrine had trouble truly embodying the good of the goals.)
Of moral evolution, one can read aspects from Robert Wright’s Nonzero or conversely Matt Ridley's The Origins of Virtue. Each individually theorize how these ideas came into being, and what motivates morality as a biology and social evolution. Moral evolution could be a game of cooperation versus who is invited to dinner.
Now, I have a revelation today, a crossroads, thinking that I might be stumbling upon something. Initially, I was forgetting that others around me have not made that leap nor are willing to make such. For some that is to safeguard reputation and for some is fear of unknown and for some is just not wanting to go there. I have to acknowledge that and give it respect for what it is, but I am challenging fundamental notions long held. I am not sure how far it will go but the challenge is real.
I am shifting direction and my path is not aligning with traditional (Protestant, Catholic, even Judaic) teaching. That is probably same for Orthodox and Islam, but I don’t really have much to do with them. I do question: Am I a false prophet, a false teacher or something else entirely?
There are people that have heard me and read my work who say they feel more invited to scripture and to the Spirit through that work.
Out of the darkness, I have seen a light, but is it the correct one to pay attention? Is it the light of Christ or devious mischief designed to corrupt?
Of the Bible
I am finding myself at odds with centuries of teaching, various royalty, and more, as borderline if not actually heretical. I know Jesus would talk to and have supper with prostitutes. In John 4, Jesus has a healthy theological debate with a woman at the well, who has had multiple partners. I can relate and glad Jesus was willing to take time to discuss with her. I want to think there is more to what God wants for us, and Jesus makes time for all of us, wherever we are on this journey.
When people would talk about the story in Genesis 2 about the fall of Adam and Eve, my fellow seminarians and I posited, given scripture desire to use extensive metaphors, especially for sexuality, that a glaring one exists for that story. The writers didn’t want to talk about sexual organs or activity, but what if the whole tree is sexuality as a concept, snake (kind of obvious in terms of this idea) and the fruit (female side) ...such were a giant metaphor about virgin sex? In that sense, Eve did not initiate as interpretations claim but Adam - the snake. When they woke from the experience, they realized things had changed. Many people will identify with that interpretation because we know it too well.
Of sexuality
There is the occasion of “cheap sex” that is usually considered as immoral as out of wedlock and promiscuous. Cheap sex is just that. It doesn’t offer anything more than a few moments of thrill as well as also the potential of long term visitors (e.g. STI.) If one is going the route of this, we might ask why? What of long term relation or sense of entanglement therein is one trying to avoid? There is something lacking in this path, because that isn’t sustainable for long. I might not know everything, but real intimacy develops over time between people (not just over one night and not without conversations.)
Some will call that promiscuous, or as Paul says, sexually immoral. I have been there. It turns out some people are perfectly fine with treating people like discardable property or less than worthy of more than primal uses. Yet I want something more than a one-time fling, more than someone else’s property, or to have someone as “mine”. If one values the self, this Is not the way to go.
It affects the mind to consider and think all people can be treated like this which is patently false. Also, I don’t want to be treated like meat nor want to treat anyone like that. Nothing like feeling like a donkey’s ass with no other uses. I would like to think I offer something more worthy than just a moment’s worth of attention.
Fetish
We know that fetish is often linked to previous experiences of trauma especially childhood trauma. We internalize something and it manifests as an escape later in life. I would like to know about why psychologists think this.
Still I have witnessed sections of humanity few have endeavored to look. As a queer person, that sets me apart almost immediately but also in terms of a part of society some call “ethical non-monogamy” (ENM). Typically labelled as swingers, these are couples and singles that have opened to relationships to something beyond one-on-one relationships. Some might call these as somehow immoral despite the couple deciding and having mutual consent to go this path. Why are we interested what a couple does in its bedroom between loving people? That is essentially the same thing people say about queer homes.
Thus, I have a unique perspective about sexuality and what is considered immorality. Why is someone’s private bedroom a serious social concern?
Of these, I have observed that people are doing things that mainstream “normal” would frown, shame or even persecute. These people, however, look for safe outlets and comfortable ways to share similar mindsets with others. These don’t just look for the next hookup but something else. Even if they were looking for just the next hook up, why should we be concerned about consenting adults doing things together safely? These are thriving communities, and they exist whether religion likes us or not. These exist and alter fundamental ideas of relationship, marriage or even self.
I have witnessed these parts of humanity having respectful dialog and dignity even though mainstream might want to cast shame upon the lifestyles or orientations.
Problem areas
There are questions one might raise but breakdown of social order is not one. I submit that is already happening and some of this are symptoms of much larger issues of over-medicated, too much social media, over-bearing government, people trading freedom for security, homelessness, violence, etc.
I have said before that the evils like pedophilia, trafficking, rape and assault should be punished for their crimes. We, I, know that pornography reduces people into objects, meat markets and encourages behavior based upon false ideas of normal (e.g. no means yes).
I would submit that modern dating apps like Tinder, Bumble or Grindr do very much the same thing. Think about the option to swipe to like or dislike someone without knowing anything about them. I don’t have to give a person’s picture much of a seconds look before deciding they are not meaningful or hopefully, something more than an electronic picture.
Content Creators
Along with that, people, young and old - regardless of gender, are becoming content creators in this space. So it is not just a film industry or adult novelty items, but there are regular people (neighbors) doing this just like any YouTube channel.
In a society that prizes entrepreneurial spirit, have that spirit - as long as it doesn’t involve sex and sexuality? I don’t how much they make, but there are much dirtier jobs one could have that don’t make much money. Who wants to live with minimum wage? Who can?
A mindset is growing and taking up new space despite real, political and virtual condemnation, subjugation or repression (personally and socially.)
People turn to porn as an outlet for something and for reasons that might be due to repressive nature of religious pariah and shame that is cast upon to alternative lifestyles. As mentioned, people are also turning to this as a means of income and have for all of humanity. They do this because there is market for it.
Sex workers have always had a place in society, although quite condescending tolerated. They are also the most abused, exploited and scapegoated people because they have to work in the shadows due to the contempt that is cast upon them as sexually immoral - as social trash. Yet they have legitimate concerns like anyone, may even be raising families too.
Many don’t have options as trafficked folks, and those spectating porn videos may be unaware and unable to discern any distinction between who is there on their own design or someone else’s. Regardless, those trafficked individuals are disgraced the same as beneath redemption or basic dignity, like it is their fault for getting trafficked. I guess if you haven’t been the trash of the world or the doormats, one may not understand how everything looks from the ground up.
Attention on wrong things
Our society spends too much focus upon these areas that feel as something of a distraction from issues that should matter like war, poverty and diseases. Those issues often force people into making “poor decisions” about sexuality in order to simply put food on the table (if there is a table). Sometimes, the armies perpetuate sexual violence as means to ravage a conquered people. Violence often begets more.
That isn’t to excuse poor decisions, but if a person finds a way to make money to support oneself, doesn’t that suggest they have some kind of work ethic? People who do porn and sex work come from all walks of life and lifestyles. They goto work just like anyone else that clocks in and out for a paycheck, logs onto a computer to write code or review the next status report. They put food on the table, pay bills and such like anyone.
We see people all the time in those regular jobs commit crimes and/ or lack empathy for customers they serve, but they get a pass. If you are screwing someone out of their money, make sure your pants are on when you do it. Of course some of them will log onto one of these online sites to fulfill personal fantasies they don’t get elsewhere. They might even be the politicians voting to end access to them.
Porn and sex work has its issues like any other part of humanity, but it is a part of humanity. Sexuality is a part of humanity and a gift from God. Maybe it is what Adam and Eve discovered and that was a sincere revelation for them. We cannot ignore sexuality as part of who we are although we can try to alter our motivations and our hormones so that it doesn’t overwhelm us or even to change how we look. The longer we ignore it we forgo knowledge about our natural selves.
Think about this: circumcision (sexual mutilation) is used to mark religious communities. Interestingly, the USA lists that as a natural part of male birth procedures. In some cultures, young women are mutilated for religious and sometimes social reasons, often without the consent of the one being cut. Why does religion make a point to mutilate people in order to belong?
Freedom to choose
That isn’t to say I want to suddenly change standards of decorum. That people should suddenly be free to walk around free to show what they want at any and all times of the day and places. If someone chooses to walk around without clothes or similar, that can be done at home without judgment cast upon them.
I do think we should look at sexuality much like Dr Ruth did as something other than taboo but instead a necessary part of life that needs attention. God made us this way, so lets talk about how God made us. Without proper attention, we may be doing damage to the self via personal repression and self censorship of one’s own body. If we can be ok with talking about sexuality, we may have less body image issues as well less depression that is tied to personal repression of sexuality.
Even more, a person confident in who they are and what they have can bring liberation. Ask any queer person what it meant to finally “come out” and not have to hide aspects of oneself to others. Of course, coming out is a life long process, but the experience can be definitely a confidence gaining one as well as liberating, when one is not immediately rejected or thrown out.
I have seen some liberation in people being able to do that and rising confidence in the same. In a mix of people for such to occur, there has to be mutual respect and consent. One can’t simply touch someone without that person’s consent. Without that, the situation lacks trust and safety and can delve into rudeness or worse. Also, substance abuse can inhibit, or totally remove, good decision making in that respect.
Either way, My view on this whole subject has changed over the years thanks in part to being part of the black sheep of society as a queer person. I have had to live in the shadows with my orientation for a long time. I don’t want to live there anymore, and I don’t want to be shamed for having what God gave me.
I still believe that there is such a thing as monogamy and true sweethearts or soulmates. Those have made some couples very happy for decades. That was my path for a long time and may still be in a future relationship, if such is to come my way. I am not however going to worry about that. I am going to give respect to people and their mindful adult choices about what they want to do with their relationships and their bodies.
We shouldn’t cast judgments for different sexuality. Let God do that, and let us do the right things in life by helping the poor, feeding the homeless, mentoring youth and holding politicians accountable. People express themselves and their comfort that do not impact others. (Again, no act of sexual violence or manipulation should go unpunished.)
Thus, I am debating tradition that has not necessarily worked for me (even persecuted me at times). The notion of sexual immorality is in the eye of the beholder and may cause issues but not a social one that threatens the live of people at gunpoint. Even in Paul’s times, this means much different things than it does to us today. We have enough problems in our world, and causing someone personal shame for who they are and how they love should not be one of them.
We can walk around with weapons loaded and firing, but talk about something intimately human is just out of the question. We can make people rich (even rich off of people doing sex work), but shame goes to the ones filming it or simply doing it. Billionaires can go to backrooms and private islands to commit crimes against youth or enact assaults without so much as a sneer, but somehow the sanctity of our libraries has to be preserved from having actual educational material.
How distorted is that?
Lets put humanity back in humanity rather than bubbles of toxic masculinity, false worlds of social media or propaganda lies that hide the real people and who we are. Let people live the way God made us, Let us discover what God has given to us - our blessings that include the gift of sexuality. Let us be not afraid to be who God made us to be.
